Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Truth
When I sat down to write My Father's Gardens, there was no plot outline, no agonizing over how to develop my characters or how the story should end. After all, everything I wanted to say had already taken place, my characters had been created for me, their dialogue ready made, their fates determined by a different writer. All I needed to do is find a voice with which to recount it and decide on an order in which to present certain events in a way that would make sense, first to me and then to an audience. All I had to do was remember. What I did not anticipate was the immediate and visceral response from both those who could relate on one level or another, and those who found facing my truth painful and lashed out in anger. Apparently my version of the truth was not one they shared, and facing it meant looking at their own lives in ways they preferred not to. Who knew that even memoir could be open to interpretation...
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Everything is open to interpretation, and different people have different dreams and ideals and so react differently to the same event. Some parents can think that forcing children to do things histheir way is a good parent's obligation, and children are bound to comply for their own good. Another parent would think this same hierarchy lacks empathy and almost amounts to child abuse. Both parents probably mean well, but they do not share the same ideas. If communication about different aspects of their lives is blocked, the gap widens. There is no black and white, good or bad here. I think your book expresses just that, no one is either good or bad, but there is a gap and very little open discussion within the family.
ReplyDeleteI love your " their fates determined by a different writer"...the poet is here again
ReplyDeleteKaren, you have touched upon a core issue for all memoir writers for which there are no clear-cut rules other than to be honest and not intentionally disparage another person. When we write our truths, we never really do know how others who are key to our story will respond. Short of having them review it ahead of time, changing names and writing a disclaimer in the beginning of the book indicating that this is your story as you have recalled it to the best of your ability, I'm not aware of any way to prevent this backlash. There's always a risk that others may ,and most likely will, interpret your truth as different from their own. Therein lies the challenge of writing memoir. We all have to weigh the risks. Best wishes as you find your way through this. I hope it will all work out in time for your and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kathy - it was a risk I was willing to take and I certainly had no intention of disparaging anyone. Just imagine what would not be created if writers and artists stopped themselves for fear of backlash. On a more positive note, it has been thrilling to hear how many people could relate as far as the need to find a place in which they belonged.
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